As part of my therapy I encourage couples to read further in the area of marriage and family relations. The following is a list of books that I recommend. These are books that can help couples whether they do therapy or not. Couples who read the books together will get the most for their efforts. Individuals who read the books without their partners can also gain a great deal of insight into themselves and their families. Be Careful not to over analyze your partner. The books are far more helpful when you apply what you learn to yourself.
Fighting for Your Marriage by Howard J. Markman, Scoott M. Stanly, and Susan L. Blumberg
I found this book in 2010. I was drawn to it because it contained many of the concepts, that I was already teaching. In particular, it presented a model for improving listening that is pivotal for my therapy with couples. I have all my couples read this book as part of their therapy. It reinforces the therapy and gives people an accessible reference out side the session. This book was written directly form a marriage workshop designed for couples at all stages of their marriages. My clients consistently report that it very helpful. You do not have to be in therapy to find it useful.
The Fragile Bond: In Search of an Equal, Intimate and Enduring Marriage by Augustus Y. Napier
Gus Napier is one of the pioneers in the field of marriage and family therapy. His book best reflects my own philosophy of marriage counseling. Dr. Napier shares both his personal and professional experiences in helping people build strong marriages. Dr. Napier promotes marriages that are based on mutual respect , equality and deep intimacy. Those people who read this book, women and men alike, come back excited about the possibilities for themselves with their partner. For many of them, it is just a good read.
The Five Languages for Love by Gary Chapman
I read this book 20 years ago and made the mistaken assessment that Dr. Chapman had not created anything new. Then over last five years clients kept bring this book up. One client was kind enough to let me listen to her CD of the book. What I realized was that Dr. Chapman presents basic concepts of better relationships in an easy to understand format which is very accessible to people. For those who may shy away from religious books on marriage, this is definitely a Christian perspective, but I have had people of other religions find universal truths in this book. I highly recommend it and particularly the audio version.
Passionate Marriage: Keeping Love and Intimacy Alive in Committed Relationships by David Scharch
Dr. Scharch has been writing for over 20 years about the importance of the sexual bond between couples. This is a well written book that integrates what we know about sexual intimacy and to all other parts of the marriage. Dr. Scharch uses case studies to illustrate the need for couples to understand themselves as individuals and as a partners for richer intimacy.
The Seven Principles for Making Marriages Work by John Gottman and Nan Silver
Dr. Gottman is one the for most researches in marital conflict. His research has directly influenced marriage counseling. In this book the authors focus on how couples resolve conflict. These basic principles become guidelines for couples to create marriages that protect the people from run away conflicts. The result is a far more satisfying relationship with deeper intimacy and trust.
