Marital Priorities

After studying and working with couples for over 40 years, one consistent observation stands out, couples who prioritize their partners have stronger marriages.     Women and men, who put their spouses first, have marriages for life.  The following is a list of priorities that will keep marriages vital and full of life.  The order of these priorities does not indicate their importance.

Dating.  Dating is remembering why spouses got together in the first place. Couples should at least once a week make time to enjoy each other.  This is not a time to discuss problems and certainly not argue.  The date should be fun and relaxing for both people. If you can get away from the home that would be optimal. 

Planning.  Couples must take the time to plan together.  They should plan for the day, the week, the month, and the year.   If you know what you are doing, and who is doing it, people can avoid stepping on each other's toes. Couples who fail to plan end up fighting about the smallest misunderstandings.  I suggest to spouses, who are weak in this area, to schedule a weekly planning session covering everything from their date to who is taking out the garbage.

Civility.Civility is mutual respect.  All to often, over time, people take their spouses feelings for granted.  We speak in tones and with words that convey a sense of superiority, or we belittle spouse which may then turn into out right attacks.  To treat your partner with contempt creates distrust and the beginning of separation and alienation.  Simple civility creates trust and understanding which formulates a strong foundation for the marriage.

Affirmation.  Affirmation is any word, gesture or behavior that communicates your esteem for your spouse.   Marriages thrive on positive acknowledgement.  Marriages begin with such affirmations but all to often fail to sustain them.  Individuals begin to feel ignored and less valued.  This leads to loneliness, and again isolation.  You should be able to count on each other to be caring and loving with word, looks and touch.

Accountability.  The one person to whom we should be most accountable is our spouse.  A strong marriage is about character and shared values.  We are not perfect.  If we believe that our spouse Is a partner for life, then it holds that we are accountable to them.  This mutual accountability helps us stay on a shared path of values and makes each partner a better person in the end.